Well we are back in the great state of Oklahoma now. My flight to GA was interesting, apparently because I had a one-way ticket I was suspect and therefore became fodder for several searches and pat-downs. When I arrived at the ticket counter they said that the computer flagged me and they needed to search my checked bag. Not a problem since I was at the airport 2 hours early. Little did I know that they were going to search it right there out in the open. So the guy asks for the key so he can unlock the bag. He then proceeds to completely UNPACK my suitcase. Now let me explain why this was both a bit embarrassing and bizarre. First off I packed my favorite pillow right on top of my clothes - no biggie right? except that it is a pillow shaped like a big blue butterfly. He totally blew my whole "cool" image when he yanked that out of the bag. So I had to stand there for the next 10-15 minutes as my underwear, shirts, socks, jeans, shoes, bras, etc. were flying about. At that moment in time I was SO thankful that I didn't pack anything EXTREMELY embarrassing! Of course there were toiletries that really did NOT need to be seen, but hell at that point I was just thankful that they were searching people's bags. (I was a bit nervous about flying.) SO, he finishes ramsacking my bag and proceeds to repack it, now here is where my OCD kicks in - it was KILLING me to not jump over the counter, shove him to the side, and repack the bag myself. I mean really - I had all my stuff packed so neatly and carefully as to allow MINIMUM ironing when I arrived in GA. UGH, this truly was an anal-retentive's nightmare!

So now I start to board the plane and realize that I am still "flagged" and they ask me to step aside and be searched. I think that they are just going to search my messenger bag and then let me on the plane - NOPE, wrong again. They (and by they I mean two of the most bizarre looking women (?) I have ever seen in my life) begin to take everything out of my bag. So everyone that I am about to fly with sees that I have a mini-disc player, some German shortbread cookies, my copy of Naked by Nick Hornby, Visine, hand lotion, matches (which by the way are no longer allowed on board - remember the day before the guy had tried to light his explosive shoes), and of course a spare pair of underwear and socks in case they lose my checked bag (OCD remember?). THEN these two ladies (one of which I would SWEAR was an extra in Lord of the Rings) begin the actual pat down of my person. Yes that's right, I got to lean and spread-em'. First and hopefully last time in my life that I have a troll-like woman running her hand up my inseam. YIKES!! Long story short, I am now the last person on the plane, my seat is in the LAST row by the window, and I get to sit next to a girl listening to STYX far too loud on her headphones as she actually dances in her seat. (and by dance I mean she is doing that head strut thing from the 80's and snapping her fingers - PEOPLE seriously, keep that shit at home, mmkay?)

I arrive in Houston for my connection and end up having to RUN through the airport to catch my flight. I am once again the last person on the plane - Yippee!

I finally arrive in Birmingham (cheaper than flying into Atlanta) and basically collapse into Fu-Fu's waiting arms. He was there waiting for me with a smile and a hilarious story of how he sat in something wet and roamed around the airport asking strangers to look at his ass and tell him if it was still wet or if there was a spot. Now really, how could you not love a man like that?!?

So we drive for 3 hours back into GA and his (now former) place of residence and fall fast asleep. This was Sunday, December 23, 2001. I think I will save the rest of the week's adventures for my next entry as this one is long enough and I have a TON more to tell you all about.

World-Class Traveler Extraordinaire,
Squeeky